Self-Sabotage: How Our Beliefs and Assumptions Stops Us From Growing Our Business

All of us have goals and dreams, especially if you are an entrepreneur who felt the call to serve in the marketplace. But having goals or knowing exactly what we want is just part of the success equation.

All of us have goals and dreams, especially if you are an entrepreneur who felt the call to serve in the marketplace. But having goals or knowing exactly what we want is just part of the success equation.

Those of us who have set goals (especially setting the same new year resolutions year after year), can testify to the fact that you don’t always get what you want in life.

But why is that? Shouldn’t we have the things we want (the ones that are good for us of course)?

As a Transformational Coach who works with Christian Coaches, Service Providers and Consultants, what I have seen is that (and based on my own experience) 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬, 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬.

Let us look at an example. Let us assume that you are a Business Coach, and you want to make more money in your business, let’s say $20,000 per month, you are at 10k months and you want to grow your income to 20k per month without experiencing burnout, and at the same time you are scaling your business to $20,000 per month, you want to be able to spend more time with your family.

That is your intention or your goal. And that is a great goal by the way. Everyone should want to be making more money in their business and have the freedom to spend time with their family.

But, the thing is you have an internal belief (that you probably weren’t aware of) that you have to work hard to make money. What do you think is going to happen when on one hand, you want to hit 20k per month in your business and have the freedom to spend more time with your family, and doing the things you love doing, like playing sports with your friends or hanging out with the girls?

I tell you what’s going to happen, you’re going to sabotage your best efforts. Your internal belief will always win, not your good intentions. Not your work ethics or your business strategy.

(Self-sabotage is when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals.)

These are all good, you need to have a great strategy, you need to have the right work ethics, and you need to know where you are going.

But you also need to have the right sets of beliefs that support or are in alignment with the strategy, with the vision you have for your business, and with your work ethics if you are going to succeed in your plan.

In fact, you might feel guilty when a client wants to pay you $5000 for your 8 weeks program when you are only going to work with that client for 60mins each week. Why? Because it feels like you are cheating. It feels like easy money and your belief is that you should be working really hard if you want to be paid $5000.

So what you do next? You try to complicate things by overdelivering (e.g. turning what should be a 60mins coaching call into 2hrs because you want to feel worthy.)

Or you might stretch the program to 6 months by adding a bunch of training videos that your clients don’t really need to get the results they want and not setting up good boundaries in your business so your clients can just jump on a call whenever they want.

Or unconsciously, you might do everything for the sale not to come through.

The reason we sabotage ourselves is because of an internal belief we have that is running in the background.

Another example of how you might sabotage yourself is, you learn a simple process to attract new coaching clients by writing one post per day and have clients putting their hands up or reaching out to you for help, but you complicate it by building funnels, ads, sending 50 messages per day and so on…

Sounds familiar?

4 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮 𝙎𝙩𝙚𝙥𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙎𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙨𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙍𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙉𝙤𝙬:

If you have the tendency to sabotage your success (e.g. procrastination, shiny object syndrome, anxiety when talking to prospects, guilt, fear, etc.), I would like to share with you 4 steps to get out of your head and stop sabotaging your success.

1. Get Clear On What Need You Are Trying To Satisfy? Self-sabotage is nothing more than the brain finding a strategy to help you satisfy or fulfill a basic need you have. So what is that need you are trying to satisfy? Is it the need for connection? Is it the need for safety (and making a lot of money feels unsafe)?

So get clear on what is that need that is still unmet. For example, if when you were a child your parents were too busy chasing money that they never had the time to show you love, the basic need you are trying to meet could be to feel love or to feel worthy/significant.

We all have basic needs that the brain will try to satisfy one way or another, and sometimes it’s not the strategy that will move us closer to our goal(s).

2. Get clear on the core belief you have. I am not just talking about the surface belief you have for example, ‘I have to work hard to make money.’ We want to identify this belief, but then we want to also go deeper and get clear on the core belief or wound that is behind the belief you have, e.g. ‘I am unworthy’ or ‘I am unlovable’.

This is powerful and my clients are normally shocked when they discovered the core wound or belief they have that is sabotaging their success

3. Get to the root of your story. Where is this story coming from? Where did you learn this story that you are unworthy or that you have to work hard to make money?

When we look at your childhood we see where your father was a workaholic who sometimes would work 16hrs a day and barely made enough to take care of the home. And the worst part was that you felt neglected.

You often heard him say things like ‘boy, in this life you have to work really hard to make money as a man’.

So because you father, and possibly your mother also, modeled what it meanst to be a real man in their eyes, as an adult your philosophy in life is to work hard to make money. But then you also see that he could hardly take care of the home and so that further solidify the belief that money doesn’t come to you easily.

Are you now seeing a link to the struggles you are experiencing in business, (or even in your health and relationships), to your past events or experiences that started in your childhood? Are you seeing a link between what you were taught about money and success (or relationships) to your life now as an adult?

4.  Heal Your Core Emotional Wounds and Transform Your Belief. Now we understand your Success Blueprint, we now can work on transforming your belief to a more empowering belief and change the meaning we associate with events in your past.

We then work on creating new strategies that help you to get results without self-sabotage.

The steps I just shared with you are a part of what I teach my clients in my Rediscover Your Shine program that helps Coaches and Professionals to heal their emotional wounds and stop sabotaging their success.

When you change your inner world then your outer world will be radically transformed.

If you are tired of having one foot on the brake and another on the gas pedal and want to achieve massive success in your personal, career/business or relationship, I would love to jump on a call with you to see if you are a good fit for private coaching in my Rediscover Your Shine program. Learn more about my program here or la that you are interested in this program and we will get on a call together to talk about it.

So what is your biggest takeaway from this post or how are you sabotaging your success? Share it in the comment below.